The vortex swirls around me, cutting its tails and teeth into my side as its vertiginous swales render my gunflukes abandoned. It couldn’t be done they said; don’t go near the water but I, brave and impulsive as I was then, listened not yes; it is I, Rich Shapero and I am climbing; climbing the Fibonacci up, up towards the depths of heaven, ever seeking the eye of The Polyp that it may rest kindly on my shoulders and share the burden I must carry. For the weight of the world is as nothing as compared to the torment of a soul unmastered. His arms reach out, her mouth consumes. I reach the apex and dive in…
Bad Bunny feat Drake – Mia
Damn it, for a minute there I thought it was gonna be a track called ‘Bad Bunny’ by M.I.A. who is, or at least was, good (I haven’t kept up with her latest offerings). Then I saw it featured Drake and I thought ‘oh well, maybe some of her sharpness and talent will rub off on him’. THEN I realised that ‘Mia’ is the title of the song and it’s actually by someone called Bad Bunny. Fuck. Listen, guys, it’s just not good enough. This is karaoke over the most clichéd Latinised club backing. They’re all at the worst party in world, vaping and Bad Bunny is dressed in yellow striped dungarees with a parrot on his shoulder. But wait, what’s this hoving into view? Its Drakes’ big face and his boring voice. ‘Taxi!!’. At least the lyrics are in Hispanic so I didn’t have to comprehend whatever drivel they’re going on about. Grrr.
Benny Blanco and Calvin Harris – I Found You
Hey its finally happened! I like a song. It’s nothing ground breaking and in a way nothing special but that’s its charm. A positive, upbeat, happy song that cheered me right up after that last track. The video is great too. Simple, effective and perfectly suited to the song it made me think of driving home on a sunlit Sunday morning after a night clubbing with friends. It reminded me that even though the winter nights are still drawing in, the world will tilt again towards warmth and light and hope. Lovely stuff.
Calvin Harris, Sam Smith – Promises.
Two Calvin Harris songs in a row? Ok then. This one’s not as good without being actually rubbish. I’m not really a fan of Sam Smith who has a good voice but is a bit, ahem, one note in his delivery and sounds like he’s crying when he sings. The problem here as opposed to the previous song is that whereas Benny Blanco (who he?) is a fairly peripheral figure in the mix, here Sam Smith sort of ruins the vibe by smearing himself all over the place. I dunno, he’s just a boring artist. When he was asked to write a song for some James Bond film he proudly boasted that it took him 20 minutes and this was meant to be a good thing but, you know, you can tell and it shows that he can churn out this stuff with little to no effort, mainly because it’s bland, bland , bland.
The water eddies and swirls and I am forced from the vortex into the cold night air, elated but alone under the impassive stars. The next time we meet the world will have begun its slow ululation through the meridians and the year will have turned. Caution my friends, the moon may be your guide but it only reflects and the stars are arrogant of your fate. The silver thread breaks and I pass into the other world…
