The fripples glide and the undulates mourn as the lonely tide perambulates from the spalding sky to the hungdrawn sea. The dry cramulites crack and waver in the empathic heat and a body hangs loosely by one hand over the yawning dry bowl of the dusty deep yes, it is I, Rich Shapero and I am hanging; hanging like an autumn leaf over a waterfall. The abyss calls me, always the abyss, opening up like a great eye before and below. Suddenly a disturbance! A mirage? No, an escape! The eye of The Polyp opens in its limpid glory. My fingers fail and I fall into its starry occlusion…
Ed Sheeran & Justin Beiber – I don’t care
Wow a number one to review, this’ll be good right? Oh god, Ed Sheeran and Justin Beiber!?! Ok, deep breaths. No, it’s too awful. I don’t want to rag on our Eds appearance too much (god knows I’m no oil panting) but wow is he ugly; no one should have to see him in a dressing gown apart from his ill fated Galway girl but there he is. It’s amazing, he doesn’t suit ANY clothes; he doesn’t even suit a giant Panda Bear suit where you can barely see his face. I get the feeling that Beibers people set this up, it sounds like one of his songs, basically a nursery rhyme for adults? Children? Teenagers? Fuck knows. Oh Ed, I had such high hopes back in the day. You could have been so much more; a proper musician, an artist but here you are, dueting with Justin Beiber in a song that’s so insultingly bad it makes me long for Drakes big face, up in my grill. Utter utter dogshit. ‘I don’t care’ they sing. Indeed.
Lewis Capaldi – Hold me while you wait
Ok, so better at least than that abomination above but not much. I had some idea that Capaldi was a comedian but I can’t be bothered to Google and find out so that will have to remain one of the great imponderables of my life. How will I sleep!?! If he is a comedian, he’s not funny on this song, no. This is a SERIOUS song. There’s no video but if there was I imagine he’d be singing against a dusky sky on top of a building, looking pained and doing that clenched fist to the heart thing so beloved of idiots everywhere. The title makes no sense either unless it’s a song about the other person waiting to die. Wait for what? A train? A pizza? Something to come up? I could Google the lyrics but….can’t….be….bothered….must….remain…ignorant. If not that then it’s just another dumb lovelorn stupid vacuous mishmash of faux emotion and predictable chords, although judging by the comments under the track on YouTube there’s enough emotionally immature twats around to keep the boat afloat for the foreseeable. ‘I wish that I was good enough’ sings Capaldi. So do I Lewis, so do I.
Ed Sheeran/Chance/PNB Rock – Cross me
Ok, before I listen to this : – What the fuck random number generator? Another Ed Sheeran track? Are you trying to put me in a BAD MOOD? I really don’t want to see that face again. ‘Cross me’ eh? I’m predicting a bolshy tune about being cheated on or something. Oh god, here we go….
Well, awful. No real video just a lyric video as far as I could see so I know for sure it’s a song about nothing and as a bonus no Ed Sheeran Face! Completely pointless but better, by miles than ‘I don’t Care’. What a depressing charade, bring on the end of the world.
Stunned and befraggled, yorked and groupified my hand breaks the surface and my yawn of desperate inhalation tears at my overburdened lungs. Oh the horror, the water cleansing no more. Go ye forth traveller for ye must find the truth, buried no doubt in the minds eye of the captive. The sand rains down and covers my body, it’s cold warmth finding me out, filling my mind and blocking my pores. Breath, for the night is almost over. Breath and sleep for ever more.
