Hope you guys are staying frosty through these troubling times. Funny how before the Government postponed IR35 I was considered a ‘disguised employee’, but once I need financial help through the COVID-19 crisis I’m ‘faceless business entity entitled to fuck all’. As a Freelancer and a Renter I’m double-screwed, so if you enjoy reading my reviews, you can buy me a lockdown coffee at www.ko-fi.com/manticoreaw and you will have my eternal props. ANYWAYS:
WHAT?
Years in development 3rd instalment of this ‘beloved’ franchise, set in the fictional town of Miami, where cops are celebrities and everything is inexplicably explosive. The only reason it’s taken this amount of time to make is, at long last, Will Smith has nothing better to do. Can’t say the same for Martin Lawrence but he was pretty good in The Beach Bum.
PROS
- I don’t have any real beef with the previous two films, they know they’re popcorn bullshit with car chases every 10 minutes that you leave on if you encounter it on TV. And like those, the best parts here are Smith & Lawrence taking the piss out of each other. Got some chuckles out of me.
- Joey Pants is back as the Captain! In reality he’d have retired about 8 years ago but then this is a film where shit blows up if you look at it funny, so guess we’re just rolling with it. Rest of the cast is fine, including that big unit off Vikings. The AMMO team is written like they’ll spin them off/take up the reigns but then my lovely girlfriend informed me they already did that with two lasses I don’t remember in the slightest from Bad Boys II.
Recently too, despite that flick coming out in 2003. - Waiting so long between sequels rarely works out well, but this is fine. Point in case being The Jesus Rolls, erstwhile ‘sequel’/spin off to The Big Lebowski. If you’ve ever trusted in anything I’ve written, do not watch that film, it is one of the biggest wastes of filmstock & talent I’ve ever had the mispleasure to see.
- Reggie!
CONS
- Jesus H fucking Corbett this is the sweatiest film I have ever seen. Even in scenes of no real threat we get to see everyone all dripping away under some neon colour scheme in glorious 1080p high definition close-up. It’s fucking gross and there’s zero need for it, I don’t give a fuck how humid it gets in Miami. There’s even a point where Martin Lawrence is so bastard clammy it looks like they recreated him in CGI.
- Stop fucking saying ‘Mike Lowry’ over & over.
- Get ready for some statements on a ‘only person on the street clapping for Boris at 8pm’ level of cringe inducing horror!
- I like action, and these new director guys taking the reigns off Michael Bay have a ladder to climb as far as shit crashing or exploding’s concerned, but after the third time of going ‘oh come on, what the fuck part of that vehicle could possibly explode like that’ or it’s outrageous disregard for physics/the resilience of the human body, it gets a bit wearing. The solution to every single problem here is shoot it and the resultant detonation will achieve the desired result of inconveniencing your enemy. Which is fine if you’re pulling that trick once as a lucky shot, but not if it’s happening every 3 minutes.
- Genuine question: why would you invite your fathers boss to your wedding?
- Far as I can tell DJ Khaled is some oaf who stands about in a tracksuit with Justin Bieber or Nicky Minaj and earns unfathomable amounts of money for saying his name out loud and showing me a big chain. I can only assume he’s done this with Will Smith at some point, hence why he’s here taking away a valuable bit part from somebody far more deserving. Fun thing I noticed last time I saw BBII: TWIF favourite Michael Shannon in a lowlife informant role, and look where he is now. I can guarantee without doubt that’s not where DJ Khaled will be in 16 years time.
- Don’t use Lethal Weapon 4 as a template for anything.
- Where’s my fucking Will Smith theme song??
Should I watch this?
Like the other ones?* Go for it! Can’t be doing with them? Avoid as this is just more of the same! I didn’t mind it. Let’s assume you aren’t getting another instalment anyway, as why wouldn’t the 4th one be 4 life? This should be 3.
